Some people consider me to be a bitch. I can't really comment on whether it's true or not, because how many of us can say with any real accuracy how we are truly perceived by others?
Still, it's been said about me often enough (personally and professionally) that I thought maybe I should help any aspiring bitch-wannabes out there by providing a few tips. Here are some of the things I've noticed have led -- directly or indirectly -- to me being called a bitch, and the relative Bitch Point Value I would assign each trait:
1. Valuing your own time: A surefire way to establish bitchiness is to be intolerant of tardiness. Looking at your watch or phone when that laid-back acquaintance finally shows up twenty minutes late for a dinner date or job interview is generally regarded as passive-aggressive behavior and met with a cold and bristly reception.
Bitch points: 3
2. Holding people to their word: Remember how that repairman said he would call you before he showed up to service your furnace, but then just showed up.... and you weren't home? Just because he didn't call doesn't mean he wasn't coming, and you should've known that, and just waited around the house all day in case he showed up.
Bitch points: 5
3. Trying to be understanding and sympathetic: Unfortunately, this is often done in the face of your own frustration at what you may perceive is a completely legitimate thing to be pissed off about, like your SO blowing off your birthday for some party with work friends. You're trying to see things from their perspective, even though it really hurts. All too often, however, this can come across with a slow and deliberate vocal tone that is then written off to sounding condescending and dismissive.
Bitch points: 3
4. Drawing boundaries (aka, Saying No): No time to squeeze in that one extra thing to your already packed schedule? But, you'll do it for a friend, right? I mean, admittedly a friend who hasn't done you any favors for, say, the past year or five, but still... No? You won't do it? Because you already have "plans"?
Bitch points: 7, bonus 2 points if no apology is offered.
5. Standing up for yourself: Sometimes it seems like people step over the line once too often. You start feeling like a doormat, even if that old adage is true, about how you should "Never attribute to malice that which can be explained by neglect" (or something). In other words, no one is trying to make your day a shitty day (usually). You get that. But still, after the fifth or seventh or sixteenth time someone disregards your needs because they're so focused on their own, it gets old. Time to speak up. Bitch points: 9, with a potential for 10 if you "make a scene" or "keep harping on about it."
6. Dredging up the past: Remember how, last time, Bob said he was going to refill the gas can for the lawn mower but forgot? And the time after that? So, when you go out to mow the lawn, you ask Bob if there's gas in the gas can. You are accused of dredging up the past.
Bitch points: 8
7. Refusing to be jollied out of a serious conversation by a joke or (if it's your SO) amorous behavior: You just want to have one serious conversation about paying the gas bill on time. You're tired of paying late fees. So you sit down to discuss it, and next thing you know, your guy or gal is giggling and acting cute and flirty, or your friend tries to crack a joke and change the subject. But this is important so you want to be sure you've made your point before you move on to something else, so you stick to your guns.
Bitch points: 6
Of course, it should be obvious by now that I'm actually proud of myself when I do almost any of these things, because society pushes us not to. Unfortunately, this is how other people in the world end up getting what they want or need without you getting what you want or need. The problem with this altruistic attitude is that there's no Do-Over. At the end of this life, you're just as dead as the guy or gal who put themselves and their own needs first, sometimes (like it or not) even intentionally, manipulatively, or maliciously.
It's good to be a nice guy sometimes, but it's also good to be a Bitch.
